Je$$e B. (slimshadey) wrote,
Je$$e B.

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I am the alpha, and the omega

Life is like a series of highways and biways, you choose where you get off, and where you get on. It's random thoughts like this that pop in to my head at the most random times throughout the day. So true though, so true. The book of life has many chapters. Some end with sadness, because that particular chapter may have been one of happiness. Some end with sorrow, because it could mean the loss of a sibling, parent, or loved one. I try to keep the Diary of Ace as happy and positive as possible. A lot has changed in my life since my last live journal entry. I'm sure nobody even reads this thing anymore, but i've felt the need over the past couple days that I almost owe it to the website that was so good to me for 7 solid years to update. It makes me sad that I didn't have one update in 2008, and am just now adding one for 2009 and it's the end of July. you can thank myspace/facebook for that, but be that as it may, I am here now with an update for nobody in particular. I just think I owe it to the site.

Before we get started...i digress. I've had some thoughts along the week that I wanted to share: The only reason I got back on this site was to learn more about my girlfriend Victoria's past. I love history. My brain is full of useless trivia and historical data, about sports, comics, buildings, civilizations, tv shows, etc. I also like the history of people. I love to learn about the stories, tales, and series of events that leads a person to the individual they have become. Whether it's learning about past faults, flaws, insecurities, or successes, I love learning about ones past and finding out what made them who they are. In an attempt to get to learn about her past, it was actually a learning experience for myself. I've skimmed through past entries, and man have I grown and matured. I was insecure, selfish, jealous, a roughean, liberal, my how the times have changed. Now I am a college graduate, a professional, a business owner, bald, a man of the day, and a man of tomorrow. But before we get in to my attributes, lets take you back to where I left off...March 2007.....

I was still in College. I had a lot of fun in college, but my only regret was not coming out of my shell a little more and making more on-campus friends. Other than that, college was great. I was making great $ at Daruma ($150-300/night), but that only lasted so long. I was very burnt out from that place. Restraunt politics are the worst. I was sick of being a servent for customers, i was sick of putting up with uneducated people who were on power trips because they were older than me, but realized I had a brighter future than any of them combined. I was sick of working nights, weekends, hollidays. I quit shortly after joining my internship with the Northwestern Mutual Financial Network. This was in June of '07. After 5 + years at Daruma, I quit. My last customers were Amie and Sean. How fitting!

Lets briefly digress back to Sept'06. I forced myself to go to an internship luncheon at the Lutgert College of Business at FGCU. I almost didnt go, but a voice inside said I should attend. That voice may have been my guardian angel, it may have been god, hell it very well may have been the immortal Hulk Hogan himself. No matter who or what it was, I went and ended up getting a call from NMFN. After a grueling interview process, I was selected to be an intern. It was a top 10 internship in the US. I went from knowing jack about insurance and investing to becoming the top intern in the South Florida Group and being offered a full-time position on April 7, 2008, 4 months after I graduated. Since then I have come full-circle, in my 2nd year as a full-time agent, getting my first professional designation as a Certified Long Term Care agent, and helping lead the intern program as the interm College Unit Director.

Okay, back to 2007 (sorry for the randomosity), I was dating a girl named Danielle. Last time I updated this we were at the VERY start of our relationship, and who knew what the future held? I never initially WANTED to date her, I just thought to myself "eh why not, i have nothing else going on and I like her." People say that everything happens for a reason, and I am so glad this relationship happend. I grew and learned so much from this experience, I truely feel it has helped shape the man that I am in 2009. Danielle was a great person, and there were times in the relationship where I really enjoyed her company in my life, but when it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. And that is no reflection on her, or me, that's just what lied in the cards for us. We broke up 3-5 times, i don't even remember anymore. I kept getting back with her, or putted off breaking up with her, because my family grew attached to her and her son, and I was atatched to her son. That was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do in my life. It was very challenging dating a girl with a child. I told myself i would never do that, but in 2006/7 I was at a place in life where I was throwing out the rule book, and living for the moment, and after 4 months of debate it finally felt right. But when it didn't work out it had an emotional impact on me, the child, and my family. I'll never do that again as long as I live. But i learned a lot of great things from that relationship. I learned patience, i learned calmness, i learned what it was like to be selfish - and to not be selfish - and I learned that no matter how great like, or love, or a desire to want to keep something together, if it's not meant to be, it wont work or happen. I think god tried to tell me 3 key times she was a great person, just not the person for me, and i didn't listen. That's when fights about money, or jealousy, or anything like that start coming in to play. I know that most of my friends are not in to spirituality, or god, or jesus, or ala, or buddah, or whatever god may be in their world, but I am spiritual. I consider myself a new-age catholic. I dont attend church, but often times communicate with god, and feel that there is a side to me that is very spiritual, and in-sync with karma, and fate, and the sensations of the universe. I learned how to be a better person, and most importantly of all I learned how to appreciate greatness when it's in front of you with my new girlfriend...whom i'll get to shortly.

So I was single once and for all in late January of 2009. I spent the next 6 months doing research and changing. Not changing in a bad way. Maybe changing isn't the appropriate word. Perhaps evolving is the better adjective. I started with my appearance.

Back in mid-2008 I saw a collegue from my Fort Myers office who had lost about 75 pounds. I asked him how he did it, he said a clinic called Medi weight loss. Low carb, low calorie, high protein. You took vitamins, fat burners, and appetite supressants, and the weight just fell off of you. I was finally financially able to afford the program shortly after Halloween. The day before I started I had a "last supper" with Elliot at Daruma, followed by ice cream. It was great. On November 4, 2008 I weighed 225 pounds. Keep in mind i'm 23 years old at the time, and 5'7". The first week of the diet, the "clensing phase" was THE WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE. I felt bad because I was hangry all the time. I went from consuming probably 3-4000 calories/day to consuming 500. All lean-proteins, no carb. I had no energy. Couldn't work out. I was leaving work at 3:00 because I was so tired and crashing. Then I went to 750 calories and added fruits/veggies in to my diet. The weight fell off me. I think I lost 30lbs the first month of the program. I didn't start working out until right before christmas. At that point I was at 1000 calories/day and started doing cardio. Long story short I ended up hitting my long term goal in early April, and that was 170 lbs. Since then I have incorporated weight lifting in to my work out regimine, and got off the no-carb diet, and now maintain 185. I still want to get down to 165lbs by New Years.

Also, in February I was talking to my tech coach at work who is in to triathlons and he got me in to them. Now i'm going to participate in my first one tomorrow!! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. My girlfriend is coming to support me which is so sweet! But i'm also nervous because I cant finish in last place with her watching, y'know? So i'll have to have a solid performance.

Speaking of girlfriend, I have been dating Victoria Coppard since June 11, 2009. I met Victoria on August 13, 2008 at Ducey's birthday party. I think the only thing I said to her was "hey girl, you are the photographer for the night so take lots of pictures." I then saw her a few days later at bowling, Halloween & new years at Yabba, and that was pretty much it. Oh and Kristina's birthday party, how could I forget. This was the night I first REALLY noticed her beauty and grace. I know what you're thinking...."But were dating someone else?!?!?" I know. And I felt bad. And it was wrong. But, by that point, I saw the writing on the wall and realized my future lied elsewhere. I even told Emon on New Years how cute I thought that Victoria girl was. I was taking Dale Carnegie training (which Vaughn from work put me through in order to get out of my shell, improve my public speaking, and learn how to make friends and influence people), and it encouraged us to get out of our box and meet new people. I thought - as a newly single, skinny, sexy individual, that it was a great chance to get to know her. Our first outting was...uncomfortable to say the least. It felt like an interview process at Barnes & Noble. She is really shy, and internal, except for when it comes to dancing in public lol. So it really just felt like an interview. I tried to hang out with her a few other times, and we did in a group atmosphere. Upon Brett's encouragement I started going on AIM and talking to her, and I worked up the confidence to ask her on a formal date. The rest is history. She couldn't resist my will, persistance, good nature, and charm. I can honestly say that personally, it has been some of the greatest 2 months ever just spending time and getting to know her. I can't get enough and don't picture getting sick of her. We click on so many levels and it's just awesome to be with someone that is happy, positive, and appreciates/reciprocates. Going from the relationship I was in on & off for 2+ years to her, was like going from a black & white tv to an HD flat screen in color. It's just so eye opening and refreshing! Sometimes you forget what it's like to be happy, or you just get used to bad things happening to you that you honestly lose the will to persue it, or the thought of having it was crushed long ago. but she was renewed that feeling within me, and I look forward to an amazing future with her, whatever that may be.

I think that about does it. It's hard to sum up 2+ years in one entry, but noone will read this anyway. I hope to update this forum more, especially because I can talk about certain things and not have to worry about facebook world viewing it. OH! I'm also an uncle and brother in law now! Jenn finally got married, woot!

Alright.......i'll use an old school live journal reference to close this..

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